Could I be a parent?

Parenting

Parenting may be a no-brainer for some, but parenting (and especially, single-parenting) is not always an obvious choice for a young woman who has just discovered she is pregnant. There are many factors that influence this decision, and some mothers simply can't see how they could afford to parent a child. Others want to parent, but need help and support to do so. Keep reading to see what other mothers are asking about single-parenting:

Where can I live with my baby?

Look into your housing options before you deliver. Some possibilities include living with a friend or relative, living with your parents or the birth father's parents, living in a group home for single mothers, or living in public, subsidized housing. Look for a safe and affordable place to live. Consider your childcare options in each situation. If you are a student, ask if your school offers daycare. Our pregnancy counselors can help you develop a game plan for future housing.

Can anyone help me with baby items?

Many churches and community agencies can help with needed baby items. Your counselor can connect you with parenting classes and other resources, including public assistance for medical and financial needs.

How do I get support from the birth father?

The birth father's legal responsibilities include providing financial support for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency, which will withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. Your child is entitled to financial support.

What rights does the father have?

A birth father does have rights in most states and jurisdictions. In some states, the birth father's name is not even put on the birth certificate unless you want it to be. If he has signed a notarized paternity affidavit, he has legal rights, including visitation and the right to deny or consent to medical decisions for your child. Discuss his rights and responsibilities with your counselor, attorney, or your state social services department. You and the child's father should also discuss with each other your individual rights and responsibilities. A child's needs are best met when birth parents work together.

I don't want to be on welfare. Can I get job training?

If a single mother is receiving assistance, she may be eligible for programs that help with job training, tuition, and childcare. Otherwise, she must rely on educational grants and loans while working to cover living expenses and childcare. Parenting often means altering your goals and plans. With determination and job training, you can earn security for yourself and your baby. Discuss these options with your counselor.

Can I be forced to quit school?

Most schools encourage you to continue your education. Some programs for single parents offer night classes, loans, childcare and even transportation. You may decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but your educational goals are still reachable. No one will force you to quit school.

How will single parenting affect my dating?

Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child's needs will demand most of your attention. Some people you date may not want to take second place to a child. Other people will not mind that you are parenting. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. You will find the balance between freedom and responsibility.

How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home?

Not having a father present may be hard for a child to understand. Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be part of your family. Talk as positively about the other parent as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don't like him, he is someone special to your child. Respect your child's interaction with other male role models. How your child perceives caring adults of either sex will affect how he or she will relate to others as an adult.

What rights do grandparents have?

State laws vary about grandparents' custody and visitation rights. By law, birth parents are the only ones who have rights and responsibilities toward the child. Grandparents, however, are important people in your child's life and history. They can be very helpful to you and your baby. Appreciate their help as a temporary solution. It is important for you to be independent if at all possible.

Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn't work out?

If single parenting becomes too difficult, you may consider adoption. It takes courage to realize that by yourself you cannot provide all that your child needs. But separating from a child with whom you have bonded is difficult. A trusted and wise counselor can help you and your child through this process. We can help you continue parenting and, if you decide it's best, help you make a loving adoption plan that you can feel positive about.